kso, i made a new uber amazing friend today :)
he's so effin funny!
we've been texting and talking to each other on msn all day xD
but omfg he's amazing.
his name is jake lauder :p
jake your UBER amazing, love ya ;D <3
blogg ya later bitchs
- fee
xoxo
Monday, December 29, 2008
Thursday, December 25, 2008
merry christmas !!! :D(L)
merrty christmas everyone !!! :D
kso, there was a frickin christmas miracle this year for me !!! i normally hate christmas (i know scrooge right), but for once, the first time in years, i actually like christmas this year :
i dont like it becaus eof the stuff i got, even though it was rpe amazing, but because my dad was actually NICE to me. i dont think he's ever been that nice to me before, not once in my whole life, it was pre weird. every year i have christmas with my dad on christmas eve, normally he scratchs his name off of my presents so their just from ym step mom but this year even though he scratched it out he re wrote his name :)
it actually made me so happy, the stuff i got was pre cool too, and when we were playing wii (me,my sis and brother) i went into the kitchen and asked my amazing step mommy when dinenr was gonna eb readya nd she said 4:00. we had to wait 2hours to eat and my dad asked me if i wanted a drink (alchoholic beverage) to pass the time and i said sure thinking he was joking but he wasnt xD
it was pre fun.
anyways i gotta go to my aunties now.
hope all of your guys christmas is amazing <3
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
bliogg you bitchs later ;)
love,
fee
xoxo
kso, there was a frickin christmas miracle this year for me !!! i normally hate christmas (i know scrooge right), but for once, the first time in years, i actually like christmas this year :
i dont like it becaus eof the stuff i got, even though it was rpe amazing, but because my dad was actually NICE to me. i dont think he's ever been that nice to me before, not once in my whole life, it was pre weird. every year i have christmas with my dad on christmas eve, normally he scratchs his name off of my presents so their just from ym step mom but this year even though he scratched it out he re wrote his name :)
it actually made me so happy, the stuff i got was pre cool too, and when we were playing wii (me,my sis and brother) i went into the kitchen and asked my amazing step mommy when dinenr was gonna eb readya nd she said 4:00. we had to wait 2hours to eat and my dad asked me if i wanted a drink (alchoholic beverage) to pass the time and i said sure thinking he was joking but he wasnt xD
it was pre fun.
anyways i gotta go to my aunties now.
hope all of your guys christmas is amazing <3
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
bliogg you bitchs later ;)
love,
fee
xoxo
Friday, December 19, 2008
hating life more and more each day....
kso, i know everyone has problems in thier lives and they always get better. but with me it doesnt seem to, i've had the same problems for the past 13years and they've never gone away. i'm starting to give up on life again, theres no point of me even being here. i have no one ! none of my friends understand the things i'm going threw, they semi understand the stuff i tell them but that stuff isnt even half of a quarter of the stuff i go threw/ have been threw. i love my friends and i trust them but i just dont want them to know alot fo the stuff in my life. i'm afraid that they'd turn their backs on me or go and tell people or not except me. i'm already basically fake, i neevr show my true emotions becausei dont want a bunch of people bothering me about whats wrong and i cant act how i want to because everyone will be liike wtf is wrong with you?! and all of my friends will leave me :\ the one person i trusted with everything apparently only has ONE TRUE FRIEND and its not me. like i understand that he ahs more then one friend but seriosuly what have i ever done to hurt him or lose his trust or anything ? it hurt meso much when i found that out. he always called me and talked to me when he was sad or just needed tot alk to someone, i was one of his first frirends when he moved here, i've gone thrrew alot with him, but i guess he thinks i'm not a true friend.. ? :( he doesnt even act the same around me anymore..
fuck i hate life!
i also made a huge mistake about 3or4 weeks ago. i'm not sayign what that mistake is though. but now all of these people hate me and are emailing me all of this shit saying how i'm such a whore and stuff and a few peopel were texting me but they stopped that a day or 2 ago. but the girl that i hurt she hates me and is getting people to come kick my ass. i understand that she's hurt and that she's mad at me but seriosuly get over it! what i did isnt even half as bad as what she did to me! and all i said when i found out what she did was "did you do it?" and she swore on her life that she didint even though she did because i got told by the person she did it with that it was true and my friend printed off an msn converstaion with her in it where she admitted to doing it. fuck i hate life !
i still have HUGE problems with my dad and their not getting any better, but i dont want to talk about them. my brother was suppose to come home for christmas, i was so excited to see him i havent seen him in over a year i miss him so much, but he's not coming anymore. he decided that he'd rather shoot up on herion and snort cocaine then come see his family on christmas. i guess drugs are more worth spending his money on then a plane ticket to see us. we were gonna buy him a ticket to get here and back but he didnt want to becvause he knew i'd be mad at him. he always promises me that he's clean btu he never is. he was clean for two months and then eh got right back into it again. i love him so mucha nd i hate watching him do this to himself. he shoots up on herion, snorts cocaine, smokes weed and cigarettes EVERYDAY! no wonder we had to send him money so he couldn pay his rent for the next to months. he knewed if he came home for christmas then i would either yell at him, not talk to him at all or be depresseed the whole time (which i already am). i stopped cutting for him because he promised he would get clean i went for three months without cutting, which was hard because i had been cuting for over two years at that time, and i didnt cut once and i thought he was clean the whoel tiem. he wasn't he was tsilling doing but i just didnt knwo about it, he made me so mad the day i found out that i cut my wrist right in front of him, and it was really deep too the blood was dripping onto the floor, i had to get stiches because of how deep it was. he still hasnt forgiven himself for whast happened that day, i dont even knwo why i did it. a few months ago he OD for the fourth time in three years, and the funny thing is he had assured me he was clean the day before. i cant trust him at all but everytime he says he's clean i beleive him. well now i'm balling my eyes out and i need to go re do my makeup for school.
blogg ya later,
-fee
xoxo
fuck i hate life!
i also made a huge mistake about 3or4 weeks ago. i'm not sayign what that mistake is though. but now all of these people hate me and are emailing me all of this shit saying how i'm such a whore and stuff and a few peopel were texting me but they stopped that a day or 2 ago. but the girl that i hurt she hates me and is getting people to come kick my ass. i understand that she's hurt and that she's mad at me but seriosuly get over it! what i did isnt even half as bad as what she did to me! and all i said when i found out what she did was "did you do it?" and she swore on her life that she didint even though she did because i got told by the person she did it with that it was true and my friend printed off an msn converstaion with her in it where she admitted to doing it. fuck i hate life !
i still have HUGE problems with my dad and their not getting any better, but i dont want to talk about them. my brother was suppose to come home for christmas, i was so excited to see him i havent seen him in over a year i miss him so much, but he's not coming anymore. he decided that he'd rather shoot up on herion and snort cocaine then come see his family on christmas. i guess drugs are more worth spending his money on then a plane ticket to see us. we were gonna buy him a ticket to get here and back but he didnt want to becvause he knew i'd be mad at him. he always promises me that he's clean btu he never is. he was clean for two months and then eh got right back into it again. i love him so mucha nd i hate watching him do this to himself. he shoots up on herion, snorts cocaine, smokes weed and cigarettes EVERYDAY! no wonder we had to send him money so he couldn pay his rent for the next to months. he knewed if he came home for christmas then i would either yell at him, not talk to him at all or be depresseed the whole time (which i already am). i stopped cutting for him because he promised he would get clean i went for three months without cutting, which was hard because i had been cuting for over two years at that time, and i didnt cut once and i thought he was clean the whoel tiem. he wasn't he was tsilling doing but i just didnt knwo about it, he made me so mad the day i found out that i cut my wrist right in front of him, and it was really deep too the blood was dripping onto the floor, i had to get stiches because of how deep it was. he still hasnt forgiven himself for whast happened that day, i dont even knwo why i did it. a few months ago he OD for the fourth time in three years, and the funny thing is he had assured me he was clean the day before. i cant trust him at all but everytime he says he's clean i beleive him. well now i'm balling my eyes out and i need to go re do my makeup for school.
blogg ya later,
-fee
xoxo
Saturday, December 13, 2008
wtf is with everyone ?!
kso everyone is so bitchy and annoying now. before everyoen was all happy and we always had fun now all everyone does is complain about their supposedly HUGE probelm when their only tiny and theres people who have ti ALOT/SO much worse. like i understand that everyone has thier problems and they need to talk about them but do you really need to make everything about you ?! when we're talking about someone elses problems do you mind actually listening and giving them advice instead of making it about you ?! stop making somethign about nothing and stop making everything about you.
anyways thats all i gotta say right now.
blog ya later ;D
-felicia
xoxo
anyways thats all i gotta say right now.
blog ya later ;D
-felicia
xoxo
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
maybe i should just give up... ?
kso right now i'm finding the hairstyle that i want seeing as i'm getting my hair cut tomorrow. but thats not the reason i decided to write this blog, i decided to write this blog not only because i'm bored out of my mind but because i just need to say how i'm feeling. i dont care if you make fun of me for this but whatevr i dont care.
kso, i've been bestfrineds with this guy for so long and i'm startiung to like him, i'm starting to like him ALOT. i kinda think he might be starting to like me too but i'm afarid that i'm seeing things that arent there ya know ? i'm also afraid that if he does like me back and we hook up or soemthing that it will ruin our friendship, cuz that happened with my last boyfriend. we were BESTFRIENDS and now we barely talk and it kinda seems like he hates me :(
anyways me and this guy should probly jsut stay friends that way neither of us gets hurt...
i guess ? :\ i truely dont know !
but i have bigger problems then boys. that problem is... my dad :(
my dads beat me my whole life, its weird though because he's never layed a finger on my sister but he's always beat me for things that have absolutly nothing to do with me. he's done alot to me: broken my bones, given me bruises, made me bleed, amde me cry, tear apart my family, lie, cheat, basically anyhting that you can image that would hurt you SO deeply he's done it. i love my dad btu i dont think he loves me back. i wish that for once instead of hitting me and blaming all his problems on me that he would just hugg me and tell em that eh loves me and that everythign will be okay. i knwo that there are people who dont have dad's and their probly saying that i'm lucky to even have one but personally i dont think i ahve one because he's never acted liek one and he's never treated me like a daughter. just the things he says/does sometimes hurt me SO much that i just wanna end my life basically, i use to cut alot but i stopped last year and then started again this year but my friend made me stop and promise him i wouldnt anymroe but i just want to so badly. life's so hard sometimes but the best thing we can do is pick ourselves up even when it seems like theres no one there for you there always is. i hope that all your fathers treat you betetr then mine does. i actually kinda think that i deserve everything he's done to me for all 13years of life, because if i didnt deserve it why would he do it ?
anyways imma go,
blog ya later ;)
- fee..
xoxo
kso, i've been bestfrineds with this guy for so long and i'm startiung to like him, i'm starting to like him ALOT. i kinda think he might be starting to like me too but i'm afarid that i'm seeing things that arent there ya know ? i'm also afraid that if he does like me back and we hook up or soemthing that it will ruin our friendship, cuz that happened with my last boyfriend. we were BESTFRIENDS and now we barely talk and it kinda seems like he hates me :(
anyways me and this guy should probly jsut stay friends that way neither of us gets hurt...
i guess ? :\ i truely dont know !
but i have bigger problems then boys. that problem is... my dad :(
my dads beat me my whole life, its weird though because he's never layed a finger on my sister but he's always beat me for things that have absolutly nothing to do with me. he's done alot to me: broken my bones, given me bruises, made me bleed, amde me cry, tear apart my family, lie, cheat, basically anyhting that you can image that would hurt you SO deeply he's done it. i love my dad btu i dont think he loves me back. i wish that for once instead of hitting me and blaming all his problems on me that he would just hugg me and tell em that eh loves me and that everythign will be okay. i knwo that there are people who dont have dad's and their probly saying that i'm lucky to even have one but personally i dont think i ahve one because he's never acted liek one and he's never treated me like a daughter. just the things he says/does sometimes hurt me SO much that i just wanna end my life basically, i use to cut alot but i stopped last year and then started again this year but my friend made me stop and promise him i wouldnt anymroe but i just want to so badly. life's so hard sometimes but the best thing we can do is pick ourselves up even when it seems like theres no one there for you there always is. i hope that all your fathers treat you betetr then mine does. i actually kinda think that i deserve everything he's done to me for all 13years of life, because if i didnt deserve it why would he do it ?
anyways imma go,
blog ya later ;)
- fee..
xoxo
nothing better to do...
kso i'm in the library at my school right now and i'm supose to be working on my "drug project" or my "history fair project" or some christmas package :S
but i left school early yesterday to go to the doctors so i didnt get the christmas package. instead i got four needles, three tubes of blood taken (it was suppose to be five) and a perscription for cramps. i'm having all these tests done to find out whats wrong with my thiroid (i think i spelt it wrong), i either have to take pills for the rest of my life or get this surgery doen and be in the hospital for 1-2 weeks. i'm kinda afraid to get the surgery because i dont want to saty in the hospital by myself, sure people will probly come and vist me but i dont want to stay there alone
all night every night for 1-2 weeks. i get my results by friday and hopefully their good so lets keep or fingers crossed.
anyways back to my broing life at school. our drug project is do sometime nest week i think the 17th, the drug i chose is "purple haze". i chose "purple haze" because its not a very common drug and not alot of people knwo about it, wow that sounded like something i would say in the project xD
anyways imma go work on my project now....
- fee
xoxo
but i left school early yesterday to go to the doctors so i didnt get the christmas package. instead i got four needles, three tubes of blood taken (it was suppose to be five) and a perscription for cramps. i'm having all these tests done to find out whats wrong with my thiroid (i think i spelt it wrong), i either have to take pills for the rest of my life or get this surgery doen and be in the hospital for 1-2 weeks. i'm kinda afraid to get the surgery because i dont want to saty in the hospital by myself, sure people will probly come and vist me but i dont want to stay there alone
all night every night for 1-2 weeks. i get my results by friday and hopefully their good so lets keep or fingers crossed.
anyways back to my broing life at school. our drug project is do sometime nest week i think the 17th, the drug i chose is "purple haze". i chose "purple haze" because its not a very common drug and not alot of people knwo about it, wow that sounded like something i would say in the project xD
anyways imma go work on my project now....
- fee
xoxo
Monday, December 8, 2008
get to know me ;)
kso, my bestie courtney told me about this blog thingy and how its so much fun and i was making fun of her for it (no offence to the people who are obsessed with this). then she told me to join cuz she said it would eb fun so i decided too :)
so yeah, i'm felicia.
i really dont care if you hate me cuz well i am who i am and thats not changing for anyone so if you dont like it then dont talk to me, i'd rather you say stuff to my face then behind my back cuz i sure as hell will say it to your face. i wont/dont start fights but i always end them. i wont try to impress you and i'm not fake, i am who i am so accept it or dont except it its your choice to make i dont care. i speak freely and i always speak my mind no matter what people say, i'm always honest and sometimes people get hurt but my saying is "honesty hurts sometimes". i'm probly one of the weirdest people you will ever meet but i'm prolby one of the bitchyest people you will ever meet. i like to think that i'm a good friend but sometimes i'm not the bets friend. well if you want to get to know me better become one of my followers.
-felicia
xoxo
so yeah, i'm felicia.
i really dont care if you hate me cuz well i am who i am and thats not changing for anyone so if you dont like it then dont talk to me, i'd rather you say stuff to my face then behind my back cuz i sure as hell will say it to your face. i wont/dont start fights but i always end them. i wont try to impress you and i'm not fake, i am who i am so accept it or dont except it its your choice to make i dont care. i speak freely and i always speak my mind no matter what people say, i'm always honest and sometimes people get hurt but my saying is "honesty hurts sometimes". i'm probly one of the weirdest people you will ever meet but i'm prolby one of the bitchyest people you will ever meet. i like to think that i'm a good friend but sometimes i'm not the bets friend. well if you want to get to know me better become one of my followers.
-felicia
xoxo
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